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I’ve been dealing with chronic pain for approaching 7 years! I’ve tried god knows how many medications and had every test under the sun, but the pain still dominates every part of my life. Along with the stress and agony that chronic pain brings, I’m also constantly left feeling like my doctor isn’t helping me and that my pain is being ignored.
I’ve seen every doctor at my practice and a long list of specialists and somehow I end up right where I started, with no diagnosis or adequate pain relief.
Although I stopped chasing a diagnosis, I’m still actively in search of anything that can help me cope with the pain until or if I ever receive an official diagnosis.
But it’s tough to remain hopeful when no matter how much you explain your pain, doctors still seem to take things lightly and ignore your concerns.
This is something I experience way too often, and it’s something I’m dealing with at the moment.
The past few months have been pretty bad, I’ve been having flare-ups back to back and my usual natural pain relief remedies just weren’t working their usual magic.
So I did something I try my best to avoid – I got in touch with my doctor, to explain what’s been going on and to get some medical advice.
After filling out an online form detailing all of my symptoms, I received a call from my doctor; I assumed he’d read my form and had something helpful to suggest for my pain.
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Boy, was I wrong!
Instead, the call began with him asking me “why I wanted to speak with him” and “how could he help”, like seriously? I just provided all the relevant information and you’re asking what’s wrong!
Now I know things are really stressful at the moment, especially for doctors because of the pandemic, so I refrained from asking him if he was “fu***g serious” and instead gave him the benefit of the doubt.
I calmly went over how I was feeling and explained to him how much I was struggling. Following my in-depth explanation, he said, “well from looking at your record, we’ve already prescribed you a lot of medication. If those don’t help, unfortunately there is nothing I can do.”
The conversation ended with me having to tell him what to prescribe, whilst I held back tears and the urge to scream expletives at him down the phone.
This type of conversation isn’t unusual and unfortunately, it’s a common experience for many of us living with chronic pain. Therefore, it’s important to know what we can do to stop doctors from ignoring us or not taking our pain seriously.
MY DOCTOR HELPING IS NOT HELPING ME, BUT WHY?
If you’re anything like me, you’re probably wondering why your doctor isn’t doing their damn job and doing everything in their power to help you.
Although doctors are duty-bound to provide a quality of care to each patient, unfortunately, other factors can get in the way of them doing that, such as –
AGE BIAS
This is something I experience all the time. Doctors have dismissed my symptoms because apparently, it’s impossible for a young person to be in pain or have anything wrong with them.
This way of thinking has led to many, including myself being misdiagnosed or dismissed by their doctor, all because of their date of birth.
RACIAL BIASES
Being a young black woman with chronic pain has exposed me to how much racial biases and racism still exist.
Often it’s not blatant and it can be very subtle, but based on my experiences there is no doubt in my mind that it’s still very much there!
For example, over many centuries there has been the perception that black people have a higher pain threshold than white people. These biological stereotypes “can therefore impact the way racist biases play out in society and in medical settings and as a result, black patients are often dismissed or not provided with adequate treatment or pain relief.”
SEXISM
It may be 2021 but sexism and misogyny still very much exists and annoyingly it’s common within healthcare institutions.
Being a woman somehow makes male doctors, in particular, feel as though being a woman is the root cause of a lot of things relating to pain and illness.
Often when a woman has chronic pain there is the assumption that it’s because of their period, childbirth, hormones or menopause, which is just another way to dismiss her pain.
Rather than getting to the root cause of a woman’s chronic pain, doctors may instead pacify the issue by focussing on their emotional state or reproductive organs.
In today’s society, women are still looked at as emotional, baby-making machines that aren’t as strong as men. Such misogynistic views of women within health care can therefore lead to incorrect treatment or no treatment at all being offered, as they see women as emotional or over dramatic.
WHAT TO DO WHEN DOCTORS AREN’T HELPING ?
TRACK YOUR PAIN
Keeping track of your pain is not only a great way to manage your pain, but can also be a useful baseline for doctors to follow.
It will allow you to present your doctor with all the information possible that can help them to either rule things out or provide you with the most suitable treatment.
Here are a few apps and pain diaries you can use to keep a log of your pain.
Manage My Pain
Available free in the App Store and on Google Play
My Pain Diary: Chronic Pain & Symptom Tracker
Available in the App Store
All My Pain Shit: Pain Journal
“This pain tracker includes, appointments, pain rating during day and night, and relief measures.”
Chronic Pain & Symptom Tracker
“This detailed logbook also includes a mood tracker, food and water intake tracker, and room for noting environmental triggers, to provide a holistic view of your health and symptoms.”
DO YOUR RESEARCH
Although we’re told to stay away from google and not self diagnose, doing your own research can be helpful. Chronic pain can be complex and can also be the signal of other illnesses or conditions.
Using reliable sources, do your research and make a list of anything you feel is like your symptoms or experiences and mention them to your doctor.
Having a well-researched list will make it impossible for your doctor to dismiss your concerns, instead it will prompt them to do more investigation.
ASK QUESTIONS
Using your pain tracker and all of your research will help you come up with deliberate questions. As soon as you feel your doctor, pulling away or trying to ignore you, ask a question.
For example, “I’ve noticed that after I eat, my pain worsens. What does this mean?” This will give your doctor a reason to listen and give a constructive response.
Asking questions will also show your doctor that you mean business and you’re not taking your pain lightly!
If you still feel like your doctor is being dismissive, repeat the question again. I have found this to be useful as it reinforces the fact that they either haven’t answered your questions or haven’t given you an adequate response.
ASK FOR A SECOND OPINION
If you’ve tried everything above and still feel like your doctor isn’t helping you, it’s probably a sign that you need to fire your doctor and get a second opinion.
You can go about getting another opinion in a few different ways:
- Ask for a referral to a specialist
- Make an appointment to see a different doctor
- Try another practice or hospital for a fresh set of eyes
FILE A COMPLAINT
Now, this is the last resort, but sometimes it’s necessary!
If you feel you’ve been dismissed, discriminated against or treated unfairly, file a complaint.
Write a letter or email to the head of the department, practice manager or senior clinician, and detail your experiences.
Where or how you submit a complaint will differ depending on the hospital, department or practice. So ask your doctor, an administrator, or use the information on their website to find the best way to file your complaint.
Hopefully, it doesn’t come to this but if it does, don’t feel frightened or ashamed as in certain circumstances this is the best way to get results.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Sitting through an appointment and leaving frustrated, thinking “for god’s sake, why isn’t my doctor helping me” is unfair and a clear sign of a doctor being negligent.
No matter your race, gender or illness, everyone deserves to be acknowledged, not ignored or dismissed. I hope these tips will help you put your foot down and get your doctor to listen and take your pain seriously!
Have you been feeling dismissed or ignored by your doctor? Or have you ever felt like your doctor wasn’t taking you seriously? What did you do? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
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I’ve been sick for as long as I really can remember, it kind of got bad around the age of 14 for me. I’d have appointments almost every week, and most of them included having to get biopsy’s done and blood work, which nothing ever came of them. My body eventually went into remission on its own not very long after and being young and having no clue what I was sick with I thought it was gone for good. The doctors always had suggestions about it possibly being lupus and things close to that, they told me they knew it was an autoimmune disease which I didn’t realize are lifelong, at least in my case. In 2020 I noticed I started becoming intolerant to almost every food I consumed, stomach aches constantly and it would just be brushed off even though my white blood cells were through the roof. Well eventually an infection about did me in, had to be relocated for emergency surgery by a specialist. I finally got diagnosed, and I thought oh good now I can work on getting better. It didn’t work that way for me it’s become very progressive and every time I see a doctor I get told they don’t believe I have Crohn’s disease because “I look healthy”. Just about a week ago I was being turned away at an emergency room, then eventually pushed enough to get an mri. The doctor came back with the results and said if I did leave that day I wouldn’t have made it through the night with the amount of inflammation in my digestive tract. I still haven’t gone into remission again and have to prove my disease to every new doctor I see and it’s making it very difficult to receive proper treatment. I’m sorry for everyone that has to deal with any of those problems, day to day life is hard enough. Well hopefully these things are to be taken more seriously soon.
Thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry this is something your still having to go through. Not being listened to or taken seriously by doctors and medical staff is a serious issue which needs to be addressed worldwide! I really pray you are able to get the answers and treatment your need and I hope you are able to find a doctor who is willing to take the time to listen. Sending love and light your way xx
Its something that has been a direct result of allowing our government to take over and control our healthcare system, unfortunately. I have had tuberculosis and at the age of 10 got crohns disease and have had to undergo to many surgeries to count. Also been on every different med under the sun. With prednisone being the one I would constantly be put back on. I wish our government would have never been aloud to dictate what tests and medicines our dr. Are aloud to do and prescibe. Its why so many have retired early or just quit practicing medicine all together. So sad for patients and doctors, only one that isnt affect negatively is the goverment.
Absolutely! Couldn’t agree more! x
Great article! I love your blog and am so glad i found it. I have been chronically ill since 19(now 29). For years i have not been taken seriously. Since I am young and female it has to be all in my head right? When my colon began to fail and they found I had 3 pelvic organ prolapses I was sent to a therapist who was a total whack job! 10 years later diagnosed with a genetic condition thag makex my skin joints and organs super stretchy. Now i have chronic bladder and pelvic pain and am barely existing. Its tough out there! I take to heart the words of psalms 31:7 “…you are fully aware of my deep distress”.
I’m so happy you like the blog! Really appreciate the support.
So sorry to hear that you’ve had such bad experiences with doctors! I really hope things will start to get a little easier to manage! I can totally relate to be made to feel/or told its all in my head! Its infuriating!…
Sending you lots of love and light!
It’s very difficult for women, especially young (and “older”) women, to be taken seriously and get doctors to actually LISTEN! My 27 year old daughter has been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which is a genetic disorder. Not only do doctors ignore her symptoms, but too many have no idea about EDS… and don’t TRY to understand! We do what we can, but educating doctors isn’t within our abilities!
Your absolutely right! Sending lots of love to you and your daughter xx